Breaking Bad 

10 Wittiest Saul Goodman Quotes From Breaking Bad

Over the course of Breaking Bad, fans really got a sense of just how witty Saul Goodman was, and these quotes prove it.

AMC’s Breaking Bad was a dark show but the sleazy lawyer Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk) would pop up quite often to inject some much-needed humor. Saul became such a likable character that the spin-off/prequel Better Call Saul was created to tell his story before he met Walter White.

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Saul has kept up with his golden quotes in Better Call Saul but there’s no denying that he was at his conversational peak when he was a supporting character in Breaking Bad. In the show, he constantly had to deal with Walt’s drama and he always knew the right things to say. 

Here are his wittiest quotes.

“Clearly His Taste In Women Is The Same As His Taste In Lawyers: Only The Very Best… With Just A Right Amount Of Dirty!”

Skyler and Walt meet Saul to discuss money laundering ideas in Breaking Bad

After agreeing to Skyler’s suggestion to help him launder money, Walt finally introduces her to Saul in the ninth episode of Season 3 titled “Abiquiu.” Saul is so stunned by her beauty that he tries to charm her with the statement above.

Saul is clearly implying that Skyler’s looks can only be compared to his skills as a lawyer. And the fact that they are both willing to get their hands dirty makes them somehow equal. Skyler doesn’t seem too impressed, not because the line is bad but because she is really isn’t so fond of Walt’s associates.

“Don’t Drink And Drive, But When You Do, Call Saul.”

When Saul pops up at Walt and Skyler’s car wash after getting beaten by Jesse, Walt’s son Flynn is more than star-struck. He recognizes Saul from the numerous TV commercials and billboards that are scattered all over Albuquerque.

Skyler is hesitant to talk to Saul so as not to raise Flynn’s suspicion. Walt pops up and goes back, a sign for Walt to come out and talk. But before Saul leaves, he advises Flynn not to drink and drive, but in case he does, he knows the right guy to call.

“What Did You Expect? Haji’s Quick Vanish?”

Walt informs Saul that Skyler is planning to turn him in

In Season 4’s eleventh episode titled “Crawl Space”, Walt goes into panic mode after Gus chooses to go with Jesse as his new cook. Gus brings Walt out to the desert and warns him that he will kill his entire family if the tries to interfere with the business.

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Fearing for his life, Walt rushes to Saul’s office to get the contacts of the guy that makes people vanish and gives them new identities. Saul gives him a card with a number to call but Walt thinks he’s been given him the wrong card because the details are that of a vacuum cleaner repair company. Saul laughs and asks Walter if he expected to see the real illegal services he’s seeking written on the card.

“Walt Told Me You Took A Run At This Bogdan Character, And He Wrestled You Into Submission With His Eyebrows.”

In Season 4’s third episode titled “Open House,” Walt and Skyler got to see Saul after Skyler’s attempt to buy the car wash from Bogdan fails. Skyler and Walter had initially agreed to purchase the car wash from Walt’s former boss Bogdan and use it to launder money.

However, Bogdan, who had rather bizarre-looking eyebrows, didn’t like the manner in which Walt quit so he was rude to Skyler. They thus had to go back on the drawing board. Saul was surprised that they still wanted the car wash given Bogdan’s attitude and joked how Bogdan tortured Skyler with his eyebrows.

“Did The Academy Hire You Right Out Of The Womb? You Guys Get Younger And Younger Every Year. We Have Laws, Detective, Have Your Kindergarten Teacher Read Them To You.”

Saul shows up to defend Badger after he was arrested for selling meth

When Badger gets arrested by a very young undercover cop for selling meth, he is taken in for questioning. Before he can say much, Saul arrives at the interrogation room and starts making fun of the officer’s youthful looks.

Saul suggests that the police academy must be hiring recruits as soon as they are born because the officer looks so young. He then orders him to stop questioning Badger because there are laws and if the officer doesn’t know them, he can ask his kindergarten teacher to recite them. Ouch!

“Congratulations! You’re Now Officially The Cute One Of The Group.”

Saul Goodman in Breaking Bad

Hank was just about to arrest Jesse in the RV when Walt and Saul devised a plan to trick Hank into believing that his wife had been involved in an accident. Hank quickly rushed to the hospital, giving Walt and Jesse an opportunity to escape.

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But when Hank found out what had happened, he wasn’t too pleased. He stormed into Jesse’s house and went Tyson Fury on him. After Jesse had recovered, he and Walt passed by Saul’s office, causing Saul to joke that due to Jesse’s swollen face, Walt was now the cute one of the group.

“If You’re Committed Enough, You Can Make Any Story Work. I Once Convinced A Woman I Was Kevin Costner, And It Worked, Because I Believed It!”

Saul tells Walt his Kevin Costner story

When Saul and Walt are exploring the options in regard to laundering the money, Saul suggests that Walt buys a laser tag facility. Walt is skeptical because he doesn’t know anything about lasers. He feels that a person like him owning such a business wouldn’t be believable.

Saul then tells him that it’s possible to make people believe anything so long as you believe it yourself too. He then jokes how he once wooed a woman by pretending to be Kevin Costner and she fell for it. Classic Saul! Always has something clever to say.

“Look, Let’s Start With Some Tough Love, All Right? Ready For This? Here Goes: You Two Suck At Peddling Meth. Period.”

Saul Goodman sips coffee as he listens to Jesse talk about cutting off Walt in Breaking Bad

After Jesse’s dealer and friend Combo gets murdered for trying to sell meth on another dealer’s turf, Walt and Jesse got to Saul to talk options and find a way to distribute their product without any more casualties. As expected, Saul begins by giving them a reality check.

He admits that as much as they are good ‘cooks’ they don’t really know how to move the product the best way possible. He then offers to connect them with a big-time trafficker. That person ends up being none other than Gustavo “Gus” Fring.

“If I Ever Get Anal Polyps, At Least I Know What To Name Them.”

Saul and Walt discuss new ways to launder money in Breaking Bad

A lot happened in “Face-Off,” the thirteenth episode of Season 5. Walt finally killed Gus after making a deal with Hector Salamanca. Hector pretended to rat Gus out to the DEA and when Gus went to kill him, Hector blew the both of them up.

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Before that, Saul had gone into hiding since he also feared for his life. However, Walt still managed to find him because him and Jesse needed help. Saul didn’t like the way they always put them in trouble so he swore that if he ever got anal disease, he’d name if after them.

“He Said He’ll Break My Legs, And Don’t Tell Me He Didn’t Mean It… He Gave Me The Dead Mackerel Eyes.”

Saul decides to work with Walt instead of Jesse

In the Season 5 episode “Hazard Pay” Walt and Jesse try to convince Saul that they should work with Mike and make it a four-man drug empire. Saul is skeptical because he isn’t in such good terms with Mike. The former henchman of Gus once threatened to break his legs after all.

Saul also makes another interesting statement, saying: “Come on! The three of us, we’re the three amigos. All for one, one for all. We don’t need a fourth amigo.” Eventually, he agrees to the deal, though the partnership doesn’t last.

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