“All Present If Not Correct” is the first episode of the second season of Mind Your Language. It was first broadcast on the 7th of October 1978.
Mr. Brown is greeted by Sid as he arrives and talks with him for a while. As he enters the classroom, he finds it empty apart from a student he hasn’t seen before. After a while he works out that he is Zoltan from Hungary, who understands so little English that he has to rely on his phrasebook.
Ingrid arrives before Danielle does and sits in her seat; Danielle wants it back but Ingrid won’t give it to her so Danielle begins to resent her. Mr. Brown gets disappointed with the class for failing the exams. He starts the class over again, but with more homework. Then Mr. Brown asks them what they did over their summer holidays.
Zoltan asks for Mr. Brown’s help writing a love letter to his English girlfriend, but Miss Courtney overhears him reading the letter aloud. When she enters the classroom, she sees Zoltan kissing Mr. Brown to show his appreciation (which makes her wonder if they are in a relationship). Mr. Brown feels insulted by Miss Courtney’s remarks and decides to write a nasty letter to her when he finds out that he won enough money at the premium bonds to retire. However, it turns out that there is an error in the newspaper, which means he hasn’t won anything.
Upon coming to this realisation, Mr. Brown rushes to Ali to take Miss Courtney’s letter from him. Ali blindly gives the letter to Miss Courtney, making Mr. Brown worry how she will react when she reads it, but it turns out that the letter got switched with the one he wrote for Zoltan’s girlfriend. Miss Courtney is flattered when she reads the letter, but Mr. Brown realises that Zoltan must have given Miss Courtney’s letter to his girlfriend. When Zoltan comes to the tearoom, he is badly bruised and battered.
Ranjeet: Like Robert the Bruce say: “If at first you are not succeeding, try, try.”
Mr. Brown: Again.
Ranjeet: If at first…
Jamila: Nah nah, I sit at backside with Taro.
Mr. Brown: No Jamila, you will sit at the back. Backside is what you sit on.
Jamila: No masterji, what I sit on is chair.
Ali: Squeeze, please? Please to get up.
Juan: What for?
Ali: That is my seat.
Juan: (Looks at the chair.) I not see name in seat.
Ali: Get your big Spanish bottom out of my chair!
(Jamila has said that she went to visit all of her family.)
Mr. Brown: Ah, you went to Bombay?
Jamila: Nah, Birmingham.
(The students are talking about their summer holidays.)
Mr. Brown: Tell us what you did, Giovanni.
Giovanni: I went to Marsgate.
Mr. Brown: Margate!
Giovanni: Oh scusi! I met this fantastic girl. She had the biggest…
Mr. Brown: Yep, yep, yep, yep, I’m sure we all get your meaning.
Giovanni: Every day we used to go on the sands for a bit.
Mr. Brown: For a while.
Mr. Brown: To go on the sands for a while. To say that you went on the sands for a bit could imply that you were doing…well, something naughty.
Giovanni: That’s right, we were very naughty on the sands!
- This is the first episode in which Ingrid and Zoltan appear.